But it overlooks the the 8th green !
I was driving home the other day and I happened to glance out the car window and saw this beautiful scene of sacrificial love. I went and got my camera simply to share it with the 3 of you that read this BLOG.
Clearly the pond (ok puddle) is a real fixer upper but she's okay with it. What a view! Yes, they might have to quack "INCOMING" once in awhile. But it's right on the green. Maybe a little side income selling the balls that land in the puddle to the local driving range.
I understand ducks mate for life, of course an unforunate slice or hook could bring a whole new meaning to the phrase "golf widow".
-ba
umm can I offer a little.... probably not
We give and get advice all the time but this rambling thought process is about the more earnest type of advice we receive. So I offer some observations about types of advice and the people who offer it.
Country Music Song Advice The person offering CMSA is not content to stay on the particular topic of advice but rather needs to touch on every area of life that they see is in need of fix'n. I remember years ago a country song performed by David Allen Coe that was purported to be the perfect country music song. The last verse went like this.
Well, I was drunk the day my Mom got outta prison.
And I went to pick her up in the rain.
But, before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got runned over by a damned old train.Apparently up to this verse the song hadn't said anything about, momma, gettin drunk, prison, rain, trains or pickup trucks so the writer fixed it. Country Music Song Advice will cover every area of your forsaken life just to make sure you realize how pitiful you are.
MOTTO - > No Wound Left Unsalted
Runway AdviceRunway advice is just like the prayer of the ol' Baptist minister who has launched from the close of his sermon to the benedictional prayer. Little kids everywhere start squirming when the benedictional prayer starts because their bottoms which have been glued to the rock hard solid oak pew sense freedom. Unfortunately the prayer (like the advice that shares its name) can be compared to a plane circling the airport. You hear the preachers voice get lower and slower and words of completion are coming out of his mouth. Then suddenly he's off again....... it was only a touch and go landing. A practice. Audible groans are heard from the teens old enough to know what's happening. So to runway advice always takes 3-4 times as long as it should.
MOTTO -> Land the prayer!!
Meandering AdviceNow some of you are asking why I didn't start with this one. I dunno, I didn't. pffftthhhht.
Meandering Advice is advice that never stays put long enough to complete a thought. No point is ever made. It's like the classic mouse in the maze. It pokes it's nose in every cranny, like butter melting on a hot English Muffin. It covers every path, never staying in one place long enough to listen and then offer anything but the most basic common sense answer. This is Jerry Springer "Final Thought" advice, "can't we just get along?"
MOTTO -> Advice to get along with....
V2 Rocket AdviceThis is called V2 Rocket Advice because of the noise the V2 rocket made. A monotonous noise, never changing in pitch, only volume. It drones on and on. Typically no physical movement is discernible by the advice provider except for the movement of the lips. Hypnotic movement that causes the listener to lose all focus on what is being said and they only know that the lips are still moving. Usually the same thought is repeated ad naseum but the listener never notices because it is all about the lips and the droning voice.
MOTTO -> You are getting sleepy
I'm sure there are other advice columns. Like Miss-Directed Advice, "Honey does this black dress look good on me? "Well it makes you look thinner" or Sarcastic Advice, "What does this switch do?, "Push it and find out" etc..
-ba
NOTE: I must credit the idea for this blog and some help to two people. It was born out of an actual advice session I was having (ok giving) with a friend from my former state of residence. Peter (his real name) offered the kernel of an idea when he said these two words "meandering advice". Apparently what I was offering him at the time and I thought this has potential. The second person I have to thank is my first wife Libby (her real name) as she helped me flesh out some of the details of subsequent advice columns.
DeafCon and Perma Frost
Anyone who has seen the movie War Games knows about DefCon. It's short for Defense Condition. The readiness of our military to respond to a missle attack from the Communist Horde. It's what spawned Star Wars, no not the George Lucas movie with Darth, Luke, Han, Princess Leia and Jabba the Hut, the missle defense system that was debated ad nauseum in the late 80's through the 90's.
I'd like to offer a new DeafCon or Deaf Condition.
DeafCon1 - This is the normal operating deafcon level for most men. It is typically characterized by 1 or 2 "huh's" or "what's" before cognizant communication is established again. This is the safest of all deafcon levels. No imminent threat of physical or mental danger. Sleeping on the couch is not even on the radar.
DeafCon2 - Slightly elevated, possible phyical or mental/emotional danger exists. Typically the wife simply raises her voice or changes the pitch. If nearby a son or daughter will alert the disconnected father with a tug on the sleeve. Left uncorrected the couch is possible, certainly a back will be the predominate view upon retiring for the evening.
DeafCon3 - Moderatedly elevated. DeafCon3 is always preceded by the eternally long deafening silence that happens after eye contact is established and the words "you never listen to me" are uttered. It is at this juncture that a husband has to commit to paying attention or DeafCon4 is eminent.
DeafCon4 - Highest DeafCon level. DeafCon4 can only be lowered with dinner, flowers, chocolate or a sincere apology after the pre-requiste cooling off period. Please note that during certain events women are genetically programed to be able to skip any previous level and go immediately to DeafCon4. The Superbowl, Poker night, Lan party night, etc.... This level is easy to recognize by the perma frost on the shoulder of your wife.
ba
ummm did anyone - THINK OF THE CHILDREN ?
Watched ABC's Extreme Makeover last night. Not so much because I wanted to at first but I became captivated by the concept. They take people who life has dealt a raw deal to, an extra helping of homely, a bakers dozen of extremely plain features and I guess the show pays for all medical bills necessary to make transformations like this............
I think the reason I was captivated last night, other then when I tried to turn off the TV my lovely bed mate indicated that she wanted to watch the rest since she watched it so far. Which actually reminds me of another question. How many of you have to stay up on New Years till at least midnight. Raise your hands. So I'm not the only one who is quite content to go to bed when I'm tired on Dec 31st. Thanks. Where was I ? Oh yeah. They (the producers) started playing up the fact that the two pictured above developed a significant, probably could lead to marriage romance after meeting each other whilst(cool word alert) having the various surgeries and modifications to make them beautiful.
So I ask you again to read the title of this entry.
ba
ps. it's humor people.
DON'T READ - If you are humorless or offended easily - DON'T READ
First - Please know that of the few confirmed readers of this BLOG my children are among them. Specifically daughters of teenage years.
Second - This post is about a subject that has been flooding my in-box lately (and most of yours as well I figure) so it is a response BLOG posting. Spam advertisers have been trying to convince me I have a problem or I guess maybe it's my spouses problem in reality, but I'm the only one who can correct this problem and it's by ordering this product.
Did you catch the name ?
DEER ANTLER PLUS.... DEER ANTLER PLUS.
This is just funny to me on so many levels. I'll highlight a few.
DEER ANTLER - How does this even connect with the alleged inadequacy ? Is the pill/potion made up from ground up DEER ANTLER'S ? Wouldn't STAG or BUCK ANTLER PLUS be a better name. I hear the word deer and I think of Bambi. Oh... nevermind.
PLUS - was there a plain DEER ANTLER or DEER ANTLER MINUS ? Is the PLUS needed ? Are they adding something to the DEER ANTLER that magically transforms the DEER ANTLER into this wonderful remedy?
RED BULLET - Isn't "silver bullet" the colloquial expression for the magical fix to a problem.
AS SEEN ON TV - By who (or whom)? I don't watch a ton of TV but I've never seen it. I'm pretty well read (particularly on the Internet) and I've never heard of it there either.
MEDI.CAL DOC.TORS - I know they change the word to get it past the Spam filters but do they think that anyone who has the ability to set up a filter is stupid enough to order DEER ANTLER PLUS ?
I could go on and no I didn't order any or even click the link though I was tempted just to see what further stupidity lay beyond the link. Beyond the Link.... hmm that has potential as a book title.
ba
NEXT !!
I've decided that people like being NEXT. They wallow in NEXTness. They embrace NEXTness and never want to let go. I started this journey to understanding supreme NEXTness years ago whilst we (the family) were at the Great New York State Fair and we (my wife and my 2 female children) wanted to get an old fashioned picture taken.
I was more than content to take an old picture and crumple it a little and then burn the edges like you do to make a piece of paper look old. You see the old fashioned pictures were expensive and I figured there went my full rack of Dinosaur BBQ Ribs... anyway. There was a line of people waiting to get their picture taken so I started having fun with the crowd when we got to be NEXT. I just started an improv little shtick about how being NEXT was best because you were ahead of everybody else and nobody was ahead of you and we were NEXT. Well I've taken this idea and applied it to a pet irritation of mine that happens to everyone who drives when they come upon one of these.....
.... and there are too many cars to make it through the green light. How many turns of the light does it take to get a person to accelerate more quickly through an intersection ? Maybe it's me but it seems that people who've waited for their turn to be NEXT at a traffic light go slower then if they hadn't waited at all. It's their turn to be NEXT and they want to enjoy it. Speeding up so that more than 5 or 6 cars can make the light is a waste of NEXTness, besides they're providing someone an opportunity to be NEXT. Enjoy your NEXTness elsewhere people, I'm in a hurry.
ba
ps. I've more then made up for the lost ribs.
Therapy ??
The back is getting better finally. It is such a distraction in life to have a sore back. I have to credit the marvelous hands and elbows of my physical therapist Alex (not his real name). Elbows you ask ? Well yes. Apparently I have a tightening of my piriformis muscle in my left (facing you) deep external rotator muscle array. Part of the therapy is to apply pressure to pressure points. So Alex (not his real name) started applying pressure to my butt cheek right near the crease when suddenly he found the sweet spot, this is the place where the most pain is felt during the palpation. He asked me if it hurt and I said yea, he released and suddenly I was swimming in pain. When I could breath normally again I indicated that I was impressed with the amount of pressure he could exert with his fingers and he explained that he was doing this.
Makes me thankful I'm in computers.....
ba
