balaams_ass blog

My daughter

Cara went rafting today on a creek near our house with some friends. Hilarity ensued.

Artical Link 2
Article Link 3

ha ha ha ha

ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 9:02 PM 0 comments links to this post  

Sorry we missed you.

Hey sorry I haven't been around but my work gets busy this time of year as the students of this fine establishment return. I did bump into a few moderately amusing things while killing time fixing the various things that get broken on students machines. I'll give you a few.

A dufus doing what dufus's do.



An accurate highway alert message ? (edited for content)



ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 11:29 AM 0 comments links to this post  

NY State has enacted two laws recently that effect the entire population in one way or another.

• A ban on smoking in public places like restaurants
• A ban on driving while holding a cell phone.

Neither of these laws bother me much. In fact the smoking one I kind of like. It’s nice to go into a restaurant and enjoy a smoke free meal. The cell phone one is sometimes annoying but I bought a handsfree thingy and wear it most of the time. Of course the one time I don’t use it for that really quick call will be the time I get the ticket.

I’m guessing the handsfree law doesn’t extend to construction vehicles though. Today I was making my way back to the University after a lunch trip to BJ’s. Remind me to tell you about the gas incident at BJ’s and no I’m not talking about flatulence. Anyway, I’m walking down Waverly Ave......



and notice one of these



being driven rather spastically almost as if it were not running well. It would start and stop. It would move a few feet, I’d see the wheels crank over further then it would move forward. Finally making its way across the street to drop small load of dirt in the space between the road and the sidewalk. Close your eyes and let me help you visualize the movement. No wait read the description first. Picture a 17 year old blonde girl learning how to drive on a standard transmission vehicle, blindfolded, with one flat tire while putting on her makeup and getting instructions in Portuguese. Yeah it was that bad. I finally walked close enough to see that the operator was talking on a cell phone and driving one handed. I stopped (in awe) and watched this continue for another 7 minutes before I had to get back to work. Go figure.

ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 2:21 PM 0 comments links to this post  

Stupid Pet Toys

Dave Letterman has a re-occurring schtik that involves people and their pets doing stupid things. Today I present my adaptation of this in the form of Stupid Pet Toys. There'll probably only be one edition so enjoy,

I wandered into a Ocean State Job Lots in Buzzards Bay, MA. Ocean State Job Lots are stores that have odd or discontinued merchandise really cheap. One such wonderful example is this "Glow in the Dark" play dog bone toy.



Pictured here with our dog Portugal. Note the "Great For Night Time Fun" proudly displayed above the "Notoxic & Clinically Proven to reduce plaque build-up in dogs". The moment I saw this toy I was concerned that our dog Portugal was possibly sick or something since I've never observed her willing to do much after 9PM except her business in the back yard. I'm a reasonably light sleeper and I've never awoken to the sounds of her scampering around the (dark) house chasing her tail, playing with anything or even getting a late night snack and drink from her food and water bowls. Clearly there had to be something wrong with her.

I spoke with a good friend who is also a veterinarian surgeon about this toy. He assured me that to his knowledge dogs don't wake up in the middle of the night to go hunting for their favorite chew toy. I felt better.

So this ends up being a stupid pet toy.

ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 10:21 AM 0 comments links to this post  

In Plimoth,Plymoth or Plymouth with balaams_ass

Why oh why ? I've kept a few foolish pets though I've never been dumb enough to own a cat. Guinea Pigs, dogs, fish, a few birds have all graced the confines of my humble abode. Possessed primarily at the request of the children.

There is one pet incident worth sharing before I move on to the subject of this entry. We were living in NJ in an apartment, it was not the best of times nor the worst of times. Anyway,in the next building over lived Jimmy Fox (not his real name) and his wife Lucy and their son BJ (maybe 4 years old) and daughter Svetlana. Apparently Lucy grew tired of taking care of the finches they had acquired for the family and came up with this sure fire solution for handing off a pet. So pay attention this may come in handy someday. Lucy sent BJ (aged 4 remember) carrying this cage that had two finches over to our apartment. The boy could barely walk and I suspect that since he had to climb down a set of stairs and then up another set of stairs those poor birds must have thought they were on a bad ride at Euro Disney. BJ was clearly instructed to speak only to our daughter Kailyn (also aged 4) and say "Mommie said since we're moving you can have my finches" BING BING BING. I wasn't home and Kailyn instantly got excited about having a pet or two and ran to ask her mommie if she could keep them. So we scored some finches without even trying or wanting to for that matter. Crackers (his or her real name as only God and some really, really dedicated ornithologist knows how to determine the gender of finches) lived another 11 years in our house.

But on to the real subject of this entry. Whilst on vacation we visited Plymoth or Plimoth or Plymouth, Massachusessets. Yes it is spelled in that many different ways depending on which sign, map or storefront you read. Someday remind me to tell you my theory on why towns west of the Mississippi have in general speaking more boring names then those east of the ol' Miss. We were wandering around Plymoth or Plimoth or Plymouth, Massachusessets after boarding and regaling ourselves with history lessons of the life and hardships aboard the Mayflower as only one can on the Mayflower II. Afterward we walked into a little store so aptly named "Ye olde Town Crier" and while browsing I came upon this cage.



A hundred or more hermit crabs for sale. Notice the beautiful natural colors of their shells ? See how their God given legs naturally grip the chicken wire inside the bird cage. Most of them appeared to have no fear of heights as more than half of the little guys were hanging on the top of the cage. Occasionally one would drop from the top to the bottom shake himself off and start the laborious climb back up only to find his spot taken by another with green, white and chartreuse shell. I don't know how much they cost. I can only tell you they were guaranteed to live 7 days or if you brought the dead one back to the store with your receipt you could get another.

Where is PETA ? Where is the Hollywood elite protesting this gross exploitation of the "HERMIT" Crab ? Don't they know what hermit means ?

ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 12:13 PM 0 comments links to this post  

On the road with balaams_ass

Yes balaams_ass and part of his family is on vacation. Swifts Beach, MA. Barney Frank land. If you don't know who Barney Frank is think a Caucasian Al Sharpton & Don King rolled into one with a dollop of Gene Shallot’s lisp. But who cares about Barney Frank ? Not me since I have Hillary to represent my views, or at least tell me she represents my views. (she doesn't even come close) Anyway vacation. Near Swifts Beach is the town of Onset. Onset is a lovely town right on the water. It has a large beach and is home to the Cape Cod Canal Cruise boat. Remind me to tell you the tail of the evening cruise sometime. It's a family type tourist town (you know like Las Vegas) and that fact alone makes this statue stand out as a bit odd.



We were here a number of years ago with friends who had at the time a 7 or 8 year old boy. He came up missing a few times as we wandered the town and ate our Ice Cream from Nana's Ice Cream Parlor. We found him at the statue more then once.

Why would such a town erect such a statue ? Well here’s the official statue plaque.



If it is too hard to read here is the text for you

For over ten thousand years this region has been inhabited by people of several different cultures in succeeding migrations. This bronze sculpture is the artist’s conception of how a girl of the Ceramic Woodland period might have looked in her summer clothing on this very spot some 1500 years ago. This statue is a gift from the Onset Bay Art Gallery, Inc. To the people of Wareham on the occasion of the 250th anniversary of the incorporation of the town. July 10th, 1989. Funding provided by the gallery and gifts from generous friends. Clayton Fuller, Sculptor.

Oh.... I understand. Ceramic Woodland period. Summer clothing.... or maybe just like a young boys typical response to his curiosity they just couldn't say no.

ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 7:48 PM 0 comments links to this post  

Size Matters

As a computer enthusiast I'm aware of Moore's Law. Which is really more of an observation and I've loosely paraphrased it for you.

"the number of transistors per square inch on integrated circuits will double every year."

Simply put it means the processor inside a computer that makes it work will constantly get smaller and smaller. Lately the number has been 18 months rather then a year but who is counting. It reveals a paradox of sorts. If the PC keeps getting smaller will it someday disappear ? WHEN WILL IT END ? Think of the children ?

I bumped into an old hard drive the other day. A Micropolis with 2.4 Gigabytes of hard drive storage satisfaction probably made around 1995. So in an effort to help illustrate this shrinkage I lined it up with a current 40 Gigabyte hard drive from a laptop we happened to have floating around. I put some familiar items in the background for perspective.




ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 9:13 AM 0 comments links to this post  

Precious Memories

How they linger.......

We all have those childhood memories. When you wondered why your mom or dad (or both) would allow you to get where you were scared to death. I remember my dad tossing me the pond up at Oak Ridge Camp to "help" me "learn" how to swim. I remember coming up for air and thinking "what'd I do?". I also remember having nightmares afterward where I was in a cave that was on the edge of a crashing surf. I could never make it out before the surf came and washed me back in again. Good times, good times.........

Here's a picture of 3 young girls who will probably have similiar memories.




ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 2:08 PM 0 comments links to this post  

Children & Art

What to you call a guy hanging on the wall ? Art. Get it ? ba and mrs. ba have had a few children. 3 to be exact. One day a number of years ago our oldest daughter came home with an art project from school. They had been working in clay and she decided to create and form using her precious wonderful digits.......

• the fingers that will some day wash the grubby face of her own offspring
• the hands that will prepare that first meal for her new husband
• the thumbs (though she used to say fumbs) that will... oh never mind off to the point

this bust, this representation of her father, this idea that encapsulates in her mind my essence. Me, ba.



I will, someday, rest assured find a way to repay her......

ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 8:46 AM 0 comments links to this post