balaam_ass has gotten to W I D E
Yes it is true. balaams ass has gotten
w i d e r. No not balaams asses ass, his shoulders are actually the problem. No I haven't been working out but lately a strange phenom has occurred. I'm bumping into people on the sidewalks while walking around the ivory towers of SU. Seriously in the last 4 or 5 days I've brushed, bumped or flapped fabric (you know when you feel the sleeve of your shirt flap against the sleeve of their shirt) with at least 12 or a dozen people. The most significant altercation occurred on that famous stretch of sidewalk (see Thursday, Feb 12th 2004)
The sidewalk is about 8 feet wide so a plow can plow it in one pass without having to chew up the grass on either side. Of course the sidewalks could be thirty feet wide and the plow drivers would still chew up the grass on both sides but that's another story about being paid off by the grounds crew employes so they can get overtime in the spring to help pay those Christmas credit card bills..... ah I digress.
Here's what happened in a language football fans can understand.
The
two female students are represented by the
O's and
balaams ass is the
X. The two O's were both talking on their cell phones (to each other ?) and I was merely trogging back to my work. I assumed the sidewalk was wide enough and wasn't paying attention to anything much just enjoying the day.
Next thing I know BAM my shoulder struck a soft yet firm object. Realizing of course it was one of the students I immediately apologized for not stepping off the sidewalk into the grass so that she didn't have to slightly jog to the left to avoid the collision.
ba
Oh Okay
balaams_asses (or is it balaams_ass's?) blog in an effort to meet the community service requirement reached in the plea bargin presents this PSA (Public Service Announcement).
Not really I'm just messin with ya.
Below please find an email that I recieved recently and then note the circles and arrows and comments below regarding how to spot dangerous and potentially harmful activities.
#1 You and a dozen or so other people who you've never heard of. Actually you recieved it as a CC: since "Kathy" really sent it to jwicks@twcny.rr.com. E-Greetings, real ones anyway tend to be personal so if you see a whole string of other recipients whose email addresses are similiar to yours. IT IS NOT A COINCIDENCE !!
#2 "Click Here" Red Flag Waving E-Greetings can be sent as links to webpages but so can malicious bad virus and worms.
#3 Click "Open" RED FLAG SMACKING YOU ON THE HEAD E-Greetings that are web page links open to the greeting. They never (that I've ever seen) downloaded anything and asked me to open it.
#4 "If you see a security alert, Click Yes" You are now bleeding red blood profusely because the red flag has been beating your head..... Ignore that warning, who cares if your anti-virus software is on its knees begging and pleading with you to reconsider. "Kathy" has sent you and 7 other people you don't know an EGreeting.
#5 I have not joined that club regardless how it's spelled !!
ba
Words You Ought to Know
I got these from my brother Rich and I liked them enough to share them with you. I have no author information. If you do let me know and I'll credit.
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage
Burglarize: What a crook sees with
Control: A short, ugly inmate
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living
Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist
Heroes: what a guy in a boat does
Left Bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot
Misty: How golfers create divots
Paradox: two physicians
Parasites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist: a helper on the farm
Polarize: what penguins see with
Primate: removing your spouse from in front of the TV
Relief: what trees do in the spring
Rubberneck: what you do to relax your wife
Seamstress: describes 250 pounds in a size 6
Selfish: what the owner of a seafood store does
Sudafed: brought litigation against a government official
Subdued: ...like a guy, who like, works on one of those, like, submarines.
Subdued ha ha
ba
Thanks Gmail !
balaams_ass has a problem. Not the kind of problem an aspirin can cure. Not the kind of problem a day off cures. Not the kind of problem a raise would cure. Especially not the kind of problem a bran muffin cures. Speaking of bran muffins, it reminds me of one of those instances where I wish I could go back in time and get a second chance at a retort. I remember Kyle (see Friday, May 14, 2004 blog entry) once said that "there's only one reason to eat a bran muffin." Which was funny and got some laughs but if only I had followed with "yea and I can't think of a better one." Alas.
The problem involves my Gmail account. Oh it works great, I love it for casual email that I can access anywhere. The labeling system works great. The ads are so easy to ignore. The problem involves invites.
I am apparently out of friends and Gmail serves as a constant reminder. It says "Invite a friend to join Gmail." It means "Invite a friend to join Gmail...
IF YOU HAD ANYMORE!! You have 6 Gmail invitations left...
WHICH YOU WILL HAVE FOREVER SINCE YOU HAVE NO MORE FRIENDS. Sigh... I gave out alot but more just kept coming. 6 at a time.
So, if you want a Gmail account let me know. We can just pretend we're friends.
ba
Gum Ball Bandits
The Great New York State Fair is happening. Visiting is a wonderful experience that for me would be an every four or five year event however for my wife it is an every year event so of course it is for me too. There is almost too much to do there. Go out and rent the movie
State Fair and you'll have no real clue what the
Great New York State Fair is like but at least you'll be entertained for a few hours. My favorite thing at the fair is
Dippin Dots which has been the official Ice Cream of the future for the last 15 years or so. A frozen confection that delights my tongue and contributes to the expansion of my waistline.
A really neat feature of the fair happens before you get to the fair. It's called parking. The officials do a great job trying to help normally intelligent people park. All to no avail. If you drive west down route 690 to the fair grounds parking you'll see at least 4 of those temporary, huge "
you'd better read this or else" type signs. You know the ones I mean, the words are made up of yellow lights at night and yellow dots during the day. They are on trailers that are propped up on cider blocks with the wheels taken off so no one steals the sign or the wheels. If you're still in the dark here's doctored picture of one.
Anyway as you can see in the respresentation above these signs proudly announce "
USE 2 LANES". Nobody does..... Everyone heading to the fair assumes these signs are not put there for them even though they only exist during the fair and like lemmings headed for the cliff they all move to the very right lane and
back up traffic for miles. Myself being slightly above average intelligence drive up the unused left lane and park and get my Dippin Dots long before those in the right lane even realize they're inching forward for no reason and all the while wondering why they didn't go to the bathroom before they left.
We took a few pictures of oddities at the fair. Here's a gum ball machine in the busiest building at the fair, the Center of Progress Building. Note the sign on the machine ?
Maybe a rash of gumball theft ? I like the
RED ones the best and have been known to put a quarter in and while spinning the handle chant "c'mon red one, c'mon red one, c'mon red one."
ba
