In rehearsals again for another show. This time it is a couple of one act (sketch) comedies written by
Christopher Durang. Here's a link to a
local paper preview and a picture from that review.
I'm the guy with the axe (or is it ax? - Kailyn
*) Some of the stuff is pretty funny. I'm in 4 of the skits. In one of the skits, Funeral Parlor, I play a slightly
asocial man named Marcus who is trying to help a women "
keen" over the recent loss of her husband. I get to sing Swing Low Sweet Chariot at the top of my lungs with a booming baritone voice. I also get to be bare chested in the scene pictured above.
ba
* - Special B-Day shout out to Kailyn who turns 17 today.
balaams_ass's ass (sort of)
I went walking the other day at Cedar Bay on the
Ol' Erie Canal and I did some stupidity. Since self deprecation is the sincerest form of humor I'll fill you in.
I have an unusual key ring. It is a huge safety pin. Commonly used at bath houses, (no, I've never been) YMCA's (once, when I was very young) and health clubs (ha ha ha) to secure your mentionables and unmentionables in a canvas or mesh bag. They usually have a number stamped on the head that corresponds to a locker number as well. Well I've gotten in the habit of pushing the safety pin portion in between my belt and my pants. I've provided a picture.
Anyway back to the tale (get it ?) I crossed the bridge over the Eire Canal and was met by an elderly women walking her dog. She had stopped to fix her shoe lace or something and was just starting to walk again as I merged onto the trail. I'm a fast walker for exercise purposes so I warmed up for a 100 yards and then kicked into high. About a hundred yards down the canal I hear the jingle of the
leash/collar/tags and think to myself "wow that old lady is a speedster" and I pour a little more into the walk to pull away. Three more times over the next few minutes I heard heard the jingle of the leash/collar/tags and I began to wonder if maybe the dog got loose since there is no way the lady is keeping up with me. I turn around to look and see no one anywhere near me and I realize I've been trying to outrace my keys bouncing off my touche'. (toosh E)
The other incident took place just a few minutes later.
A man in his late 30's approaches from the other direction and simple says, "do you know what time it is?" Not a hard question right. I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt and since I'm a tech/nerd/gadget guy I have the biggest wrist watch known to man. A
Timex Helix Works. Mrs. ba calls it my arm clock. It does lots of cool things. Barometer, Altimeter, Compass, Thermometer, Chronograph..... Of course I hardly ever use these features (actually almost never) but I know I can if I need to. So there. Anyway (what a literary gift the word "anyway" is) I look at my wrist and see 15:38. I leave the display in military time. Now my brain can instantly know that it is about 20 minutes to 4:00 but somewhere between my brain and my mouth is a terrible thing. A horrible gremlin that can short circuit the simplest erudition. It can make me speak way to quickly, slowly or as in this case. Unintelligibly. I knew it was 20 minutes to 4:00 but ended up saying "uh uh uh uh" and then finally as he was probably close to out of earshot I muttered "squandered lipnodes to snore" or something very similar. The guy looked at me funny, nodded his head and ran on. I'm leaving my watch in the car from now on.
ba
How are you today ?
5 words, umm errr okay 4 words. \rant + I still think a question mark should count as word I mean look at the size of the thing. \rant -
I was in
Eckerds in B-Ville yesterday picking up some rehearsal supplies. Water, some
Strawberry Twizzlers a Nestles Crunch Ice Cream bar and my precious
Wild Berry SMINTS. I am seriously addicted to these things. Try them you'll either love them or hate them. But back to the story. Walking up simultaneously with me to the register is a woman maybe 30ish petite, attractive with nice....,
* never mind, purchasing
Extra Strength Midol and
Phazyme. While I've never taken it (though some in my family would suggest a need) Phazyme is a gas relief product.
NOW LET ME BE CLEAR HERE. This blog is not and never will make fun of those challenging days (at least directly anyway).
I let the woman go first because I am a gentleman, she had only 2 things to purchase where as I had 5 and while I have keen powers of observation the young man
** behind the register proceeds to boldly inquire as he is ringing up the Extra Strength Midol and Phazyme,
"How are you today?"
ba
* I was only going for the humor, honey.
** Interestingly enough the young man had a name tag that said "Wendall" and the "Drug Associate" What the heck is a drug associate ? I ax'd him but he didn't know either.
Update - Cancer Sucks Guy
I happened upon him again today. Not wearing the T-Shirt but barefooted with a nice hat. He was reaching for a cigarette as I covertly snapped this rather poor picture with my camera phone.
I must live the good life......
ba
Ummm Okay Continuum
Walking back to my office after a lunch outing and I suddenly hear music. Not very unusual as this time of year every idiot college student with a car and Dad's credit card has turn his vehicle into a mobile boom box. Rap music(?) pours out from every nook and cranny whilst the drivers head bobs back and forth to the beat. You remember the Blues Brothers car. No ?
Well this is the intent of these idiots. Brain dead and deaf. uumm well back to the story.
As I walked by I saw this male student
(Figure C) pop out of a doorway and run down some stairs. He was dressed in black tux and holding a pretend microphone, he confronts another student
(Figure B) and upstairs in
(Window D) another student with a makeshift orange megaphone annouces that "Your the next contestant on the Price is Right" all the while another student
(Figure A) captures the antics on his video camera. I stood and watched for awhile. In front of
(Figure C) you can see piles of goods that were the contest items. Eventually the student in the
(Window D) got horse from yelling through his makeshift microphone and I lost interest.
This kinda stuff just doesn't happen around much of corporate America. Good times, good times....
ba
PS. The music was blaring out of the speakers hanging out of the window. If you squit you can make them out..
Yep a NEW LOOK !!!!
I was tired of the old look and applied a new template today. I hope you like it. I also updated my profile and added comments to each entry. So now if you want offer feedback about a particular post just click the comment button and your opportunity becomes reality. We'll see how it goes.
I did miss a photo opportunity today but I'll share the essence. I was stopped at a light on my way to my parking spot on the hill when I notice a man, fiftyish walking barefoot toward the intersection. He had on kaki(sp?) pants and a almost white dress shirt that was open to reveal a black T-Shirt with the words.
"Cancer Sucks". I thought okay a little odd but this is the university area. Then I spotted the cigarette in his hand. I thought about circling the block to get a picture but he must have smoked it down to the filter as he tossed it to the curb. I found myself wishing he'd stamped it out. That'd been a good one.....
ba
In springtime a young mans fancy turns...
Had a nice weekend again weather wise. That's an odd expression weather
wise. I wonder who first added wise to the end of a sentence. Is that an idiom ? Kailyn can you help me out here ?
Helped a friend plant some
Christmas Trees and was reminded of that old
Larry Norman song. I couldn't find a reliable site to link the lyrics so here are a few of the verses.
Santa Claus is coming and the kids are getting greedy
It´s Christmas time
I know it´s in the story ´cause I seen ot on the TV
It´s Christmas time, it´s Christmas time
You go into the forest and you cut down all the trees
It´s Christmas time
I know you got a power saw, but who plant the seeds
It´s Christmas time, it´s Christmas time
It used to be the birthday of The Man who saved our necks
It´s Christmas time
Now it stands for Santa Claus, they spell it with an "X"!
It´s Christmas time, it´s Christmas time
As you can tell it isn't a particularly politically correct song but I liked it. I used to have a T-Shirt that had a picture on it that had a baby Santa Claus in the manger instead of Jesus, sorta like this but better.
Mrs. balaams_ass didn't care much for it but I liked the point it made and once again we have
Emperor Constantine to thank.
Anyway, here's a picture of me on the working end of a shovel and the tree farm.
Finally back to the title of the entry today. In springtime a young mans fancy turns to..... My oldest and recently departed daughter had a birthday party the other day at the house. Some of her friends were there and for some reason they took this picture and left it in my digital camera and I was wondering........
"Does this dress make me look flat chested ?"
ba
All Hail Randomania
Just some random stuff today.
Had a nice weekend. Half heartedly played Frisbee golf yesterday. (See Friday, May 14, 2004 archive entry) Whilst wandering around a young man named Joe casually says "Did someone put an S in lisp as a cruel joke ?" This the second time Joe has caused me to laugh heartily. The first time was a few years ago while attending
Creation together. He and I both walked into the men's room at Hershey Park and proceeded to the
porcelain wall fixtures. I'm not really paying attention to much (except my own task at hand) when Joe, standing at the neighboring urinal, exclaims in a voice that expressed a bit of surprise. "Oh there it is." I looked over at him (his face) and wondered aloud, "Is it ever anywhere else?"
A bunch of beach balls littered the
SU Quad today. Apparently some protest had taken place over the weekend. I grabbed one as I was walking to my building.
LOL that link doesn't even work. College kids these days.
I mentioned last week we had taken Kailyn to a few colleges as she looks to her future. One of the schools we visited is
Houghton College a small Christian liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere that in order to get to you have to drive through
oblivion first. Whilst on out tour we wandered into the student center and I spotted this outfit being worn by a young student.
After I realized what they were I found myself questioning whether the anatomically correct udders were really necessary ?
ba
