DeafCon and Perma Frost
Anyone who has seen the movie War Games knows about DefCon. It's short for Defense Condition. The readiness of our military to respond to a missle attack from the Communist Horde. It's what spawned Star Wars, no not the George Lucas movie with Darth, Luke, Han, Princess Leia and Jabba the Hut, the missle defense system that was debated ad nauseum in the late 80's through the 90's.I'd like to offer a new DeafCon or Deaf Condition.
DeafCon1 - This is the normal operating deafcon level for most men. It is typically characterized by 1 or 2 "huh's" or "what's" before cognizant communication is established again. This is the safest of all deafcon levels. No imminent threat of physical or mental danger. Sleeping on the couch is not even on the radar.
DeafCon2 - Slightly elevated, possible phyical or mental/emotional danger exists. Typically the wife simply raises her voice or changes the pitch. If nearby a son or daughter will alert the disconnected father with a tug on the sleeve. Left uncorrected the couch is possible, certainly a back will be the predominate view upon retiring for the evening.
DeafCon3 - Moderatedly elevated. DeafCon3 is always preceded by the eternally long deafening silence that happens after eye contact is established and the words "you never listen to me" are uttered. It is at this juncture that a husband has to commit to paying attention or DeafCon4 is eminent.
DeafCon4 - Highest DeafCon level. DeafCon4 can only be lowered with dinner, flowers, chocolate or a sincere apology after the pre-requiste cooling off period. Please note that during certain events women are genetically programed to be able to skip any previous level and go immediately to DeafCon4. The Superbowl, Poker night, Lan party night, etc.... This level is easy to recognize by the perma frost on the shoulder of your wife.
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