balaams_ass blog

Can you understand me now?

Had a fun time at the Verizon store the other day. My coily cord for my cell phone lost one of its teeth and wouldn't lock in properly and it took some explaining to Amy but she replaced it, but hey that's not the subject of this entry. Being an extrovert can be hard on other people. Especially in public places.....

While standing in the Technical Support line and enjoying being next (you remember) in the queue I observed a nicely appointed 50ish women walk in through the door. She approached me and said, "She (pointing to Amy) told me if I had a white piece of paper I could go right to the front." I turned and looked at the women and offered, "ma'am I can tell by the jewelry you're wearing that even without a white piece of paper you should go first. I'm honored to be the one that you are cutting in front of." She either didn't get it or didn't care that I was mocking her. Not willing to allow my mocking to be ignored I ramped up the repartee. I turned to a 40ish man behind me and asked him if he had a white piece of paper. He kind of sheepishly held up his hand displaying his ticket to "get in front of balaams_ass". I motioned with both hands using an ushering technique I perfected while dating and said, "it's a darn good thing you have the paper because you clearly aren't wearing enough jewelry, I mean your watch looks like its a $40 Timex." Behind him was a young woman. She to had the coveted white piece of paper and I motioned to her to join the ranks of the elite and take her place in front of me. She deferred, I tried to insist but sensed she was uncomfortable so I let it go.

The original women was finally picking up on my mockage and turned around and smiled a broad smile and said again that Amy had told her to go to the front. I offered that "jeesh I hope no more people with white pieces of paper show up or I'm never gonna get out of here." I frantically started to pull any paper out of my pockets muttering loudly that I really hope I find a white one. I turned to the man who was behind me and was now in front and loudly offered him $10 for his white piece of paper. He just smiled nervously. I bemoaned "my kingdom for a white piece of paper."

Freedom came for the victim of my mockage as the original girl that was in front me left and the jewelry lady handed in her white piece of paper and left with her phone.

You people should fear us extroverts in public places, do not annoy.

ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 12:30 PM