balaams_ass blog

balaams_ass's ass (sort of)

I went walking the other day at Cedar Bay on the Ol' Erie Canal and I did some stupidity. Since self deprecation is the sincerest form of humor I'll fill you in.

I have an unusual key ring. It is a huge safety pin. Commonly used at bath houses, (no, I've never been) YMCA's (once, when I was very young) and health clubs (ha ha ha) to secure your mentionables and unmentionables in a canvas or mesh bag. They usually have a number stamped on the head that corresponds to a locker number as well. Well I've gotten in the habit of pushing the safety pin portion in between my belt and my pants. I've provided a picture.



Anyway back to the tale (get it ?) I crossed the bridge over the Eire Canal and was met by an elderly women walking her dog. She had stopped to fix her shoe lace or something and was just starting to walk again as I merged onto the trail. I'm a fast walker for exercise purposes so I warmed up for a 100 yards and then kicked into high. About a hundred yards down the canal I hear the jingle of the leash/collar/tags and think to myself "wow that old lady is a speedster" and I pour a little more into the walk to pull away. Three more times over the next few minutes I heard heard the jingle of the leash/collar/tags and I began to wonder if maybe the dog got loose since there is no way the lady is keeping up with me. I turn around to look and see no one anywhere near me and I realize I've been trying to outrace my keys bouncing off my touche'. (toosh E)

The other incident took place just a few minutes later.

A man in his late 30's approaches from the other direction and simple says, "do you know what time it is?" Not a hard question right. I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt and since I'm a tech/nerd/gadget guy I have the biggest wrist watch known to man. A Timex Helix Works. Mrs. ba calls it my arm clock. It does lots of cool things. Barometer, Altimeter, Compass, Thermometer, Chronograph..... Of course I hardly ever use these features (actually almost never) but I know I can if I need to. So there. Anyway (what a literary gift the word "anyway" is) I look at my wrist and see 15:38. I leave the display in military time. Now my brain can instantly know that it is about 20 minutes to 4:00 but somewhere between my brain and my mouth is a terrible thing. A horrible gremlin that can short circuit the simplest erudition. It can make me speak way to quickly, slowly or as in this case. Unintelligibly. I knew it was 20 minutes to 4:00 but ended up saying "uh uh uh uh" and then finally as he was probably close to out of earshot I muttered "squandered lipnodes to snore" or something very similar. The guy looked at me funny, nodded his head and ran on. I'm leaving my watch in the car from now on.

ba

posted by balaams_ass @ 11:25 AM